laying out my heart for you

I’m going to be honest with you for a minute. Lately, I’ve been more than hesitant about going on the race. It scares me. I’m afraid to leave my friends. I’m afraid they’ll forget about me. I’m afraid to leave the comfort of all I’ve ever known. I’m afraid to be surrounded by a group of people I barely know and be stuck with them for nine months. I’m afraid I’m going to ruin my life by not going to college right away. I’m afraid I’m going to hate it and be homesick every minute. I’m afraid that maybe this isn’t what God called me to do and I just thought it was. I’m afraid. 

 

I know what you’re thinking, you would have never guessed that I felt this way. I put on a mask that says I’m okay, that I’m so excited to go. I make my social media seem like I’m thrilled to be leaving the country and I can’t wait to go. I bottle up my emotions about it because I don’t want to look weak. I don’t want the people who told me not to go to say “I told you so.” but here I am, laying my heart out for you. 

 

I’ve prayed about it a lot though, and I know that this is what God is calling me to do. I know that my life right now is just a season, and just as meteorological seasons change, our lives change. God has perfectly planned this next season of my life for me. And while I’m so afraid of the unknown, He knows exactly what is going to happen, and I have full faith He will bring me through. I’m giving all my anxieties about this next chapter to Him, and He’s going to make something beautiful out of them. 

 

So if you’re struggling with the next season of your life, whether it be college, a new job, a new relationship, an ended relationship, senior year, or even world race, I see you, God sees you. He has perfectly planned your life for you and you are going to glorify Him, don’t you ever forget that. 

 

So thank you Jesus, for giving me the strength to follow you.

 

Your Sister in Christ,

Madeline Honea